Obsession

I am currently massively, intensely obsessed with the band MUSE and their album Blackholes and Revelations. It is, to me, the love child of Radiohead and Queen. It is, to me, a very fuckable album.

Listen: http://www.muse.mu/index.php

My favorite is "Map of the Problematique". The best video I have seen in years is "Knights of Cydonia".

Originate

I recently saw an article in O mag about adoption and a mother's story of meeting her daughter's birth mother. There was a pull out quote that said:

"I feel deep regret that I couldn't originate my children." - Carol Brennan

This statement has been haunting me for days. I have many many problems with it on many levels.

First, how can you feel regret for something you are physically unable to do?
Regret to me is a choice. It is the remorse felt after making a choice you now believe to be the wrong choice. How is being unable to "originate" children a choice? Now, I did not read this article, so it is possible somewhere in there, she confesses to committing some terrible crime against her body which resulted in her being unable to make children, I don't know. But my guess is, she does not.

Second, WHY? Why does she feel this regret?
I am convinced, especially now that I am in my 30s, that I am missing the "I must create and birth my own children!" gene. This task is nowhere to be found on my list, despite my desire (although weak at this point) to RAISE a child. I am a realist on many levels and I have the (apparently, unique) ability to look at my genes and wonder which of my biological traits should be passed on. I have a feeling, however, that this is not on the minds of those who are trying to conceive. Why not? Shouldn't it be? Shouldn't we all be more aware of the choices we make, including this one? Does the mother of a serial killer accept the responsibility for what their child has done? She "originated" him/her after all! What traits in her and the father were passed on to cause this? Ok, that's a tangent, and I will end it here. Basically, I'm saying, I don't see what is so bad, or deeply "regretful", about not being able to make offspring and having to adopt. It seems a fine option to me.

Marie Antoinette

"The problem of leisure, what to do for pleasure? This heaven gives me migraine."
Natural's Not In It- Gang of Four

I think about this everytime I want a different life. My struggle is what makes my life alive.

Shrinking Shrink

So is it bad when your own shrink is pissed at you? All the marijuana kicked in and I forgot about an appointment 2 saturdays ago. Ooops. *BUT* I did call and fess up to my lame forgetfullness. However, this is what concerns me. I have yet to hear from said shrink. If memory serves, (and it seems pretty obvious that its only master is the jester), I have done this once before, and so has she. Yep thats right folks, SHE forgot about an appointment once. And I'm cool with that, yeah...
Anyway, watching japanimation animondays on SciFi. I'm so into all things japan now, after going recently. Shibuya! One of the coolest countries I have ever been to, hands down. And I have been to one, two, three, four, hmm TWELVE countries. Cool, I never counted before. I recently saw this amazing photographic exhibit at the Modern Art museum, and it had this crazy piece by a Japanese artist. It was not a photograph, however, and we were all wondering why it was in the exhibit, but I didn't care, because I LOVED it. Must find that artist....
Chiho Aoshima! The title of the piece I saw was "Sublime Grave Dweller Shinko".
This picture doesn't do it justice, because it was very L O N G ...and many more elements to it. The best part was this tiny bubble of words..it said something about Shinko and how gross she was, but at the same time, "We all still love Shinko!" Man, it was just SO Japanese to me! Love it!

To Photograph

So I am in the midst of redecorating ? for the last 8 mos that is. I have finally made my choice, I believe, in the pictures on-the-wall-marketplace. As an artist it is equally difficult to show your work and to not show your work, opting instead for another artist. But I believe I can bow out to a, shall we say, more experienced, artist.
I have chosen Sally Mann.


Her photographs are so beautiful. Large format masterpieces.
Some have called them controversial, but I only see the beauty. A Beauty that seems only evident to those that know the shapes, not just the ideas we humans have created to make us feel safe.

New camera pics. Can you guess where I am?


I am full on in love with my new camera. It is a piece of beautiful machinery. All silver, and slightly heavy, which gives it this real feel. I am in love.

Pretend Pretense

So far this blog has been a little *ahem* pretentious. Sometimes I am in the mood for pretense, and sometimes I want to take the piss out of myself. This is one of those days.

I received my new camera today, so I will have some pics up soon. It will direct your attention to my city. I love my city, but I love some others more. London is where my heart currently resides. It is interesting to live here when your heart lives there.

A collegue in my office today shaved his head. He is most private, but somedays he comes in and gives us these great small glimpses into his life. Shaved. It looks good, but then again, I have always liked the shaved head.

Becoming.

I want to become. Becoming: noun: Aristotelianism. any change involving realization of potentialities, as a movement from the lower level of potentiality to the higher level of actuality.

I thought I had a witness...

I'm losing you, in my RearView.
I don't want to lose you so I'm writing. I'm writing to keep you in my headlights.
Maybe we can see eachother again someday. Maybe if I keep writing.