Chris

Hmmm. I have been off this blog thing for a few days now. I drift in and out of writing moods. This past week I was a very busy social butterfly, I'm sure that contributed to my non writing mood. I am usually quite a home-body and have to make myself go out and see people. Sometimes I think I even get a tad agoraphobic. Although, I suppose that is dramatic to say. I'm not nearly that bad, and I do go out because one of my biggest fears is to not have friends. My mother didn't have friends for a long time and even now, she has few. This would be a disaster for me. I am far too insecure to not have people around who I know for sure like me.

I visited one of my favorite sites today. It is for a boy I knew in college. He was the one who got away. He is a photographer here now and I believe he has done very well for himself. I think about him now and again and I go to his site to see what new photos he has made. His photos are amazing to me. I always used to tell him he had a great talent. It makes me a bit melancoly when I visit his site. Partially because he is my GREATEST regret, partially because I do not feel that girl is me anymore, and sometimes I deeply miss her, but also because he doesn't know. He doesn't know that I am here, watching his progress, hoping he is happy and successful in all that he does. He doesn't know he has his own private cheerleader.